Buddhism has a rich body of mythology, which is often expressed through intricate art. This makes it a prime target for ignoramuses such as myself to use as fodder for a humor blog. Thus I present to you a 19th century work, “Rahula and his Assembly.”
I should note that if you do a Google search for “Rahula,” you will find that this is the name of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha)’s biological son. Although I thought at first that there must have been something freaky in the water his mother was drinking while pregnant, a little further searching revealed that it is also the name of “the horrific Nyingma protector deity, wrathful, with nine heads and a giant face on the belly.” So plus side, the Buddha’s son didn’t have faces all over his body. Probably, anyway. On the other hand, his parents probably should have used a better Baby Name book.
Rahula is the centerpiece of all this, so we’ll start with him. But where to begin?
We’ll go with the head(s). Really this is a very impressive tower of heads, tastefully adorned with little bonus skulls. He must pay his eyebrow groomer very well to maintain that highly manicured look over all of those eyes – even the tapered look over the third eyes! Very stylish. Almost as stylish as his mustache and beard, carefully shaved and waxed into individual curls. It must take him hours to get ready in the morning. And when he finally gets ready, he’s got a lot of hungry mouths waiting for breakfast!
The one directly in his stomach being perhaps the most voracious of these. I mean, his stomach-mouth is at least twice the size of his main face-mouth. Imagine how many Pop-Tarts it would take to keep it satisfied! Especially as the food would just keep falling out, since the stomach is a face. Brings new meaning to the idea of being stuffed to the eyeballs.
In addition to his impressive ginger stomach-beard, he also has eyes on his hands and arms, presumably to allow him to aim his bow, arrow, and sword better. I don’t want to know what the nipple-eyes’ main purpose is.
Moving down to his legs, we find that he doesn’t have legs so much as terrifying tentacles protruding from his torso, tipped with even more faces. We find he is sitting on a couple of uncomfortable-looking people, in a setup for one of the stranger examples of hentai to grace the 19th century.
Rahula’s entourage has some interesting entries, as well. First, above his heads we find this trio.
Just a couple of normal enlightened deities, chillin’ on their standard-issue lotus-blossom clouds. And this guy.
He’s all like, “RAAAAAGHHHHH! MERE MORTAL! I SHALL STOMP ON YOUR FACE WITH MY STUMPY LEGS FOR ATTEMPTING TO STEAL MY SACRED CHEESE STICK!”
Then there are a couple of invisible naked androgynous-types, pretending to be birds as they chase after a giggling flaming skull.
I think this guy is my favorite, though.